Two years ago was the first day you ever came over to my house. It was on a Wednesday, and I picked you up from school. We hung out in the basement just talking (and probably making out too) until we finally decided on a movie to watch. We chose to watch Disturbia since you thought Shia Labeouf was cute. Half way through the movie, my mom came down to tell us that dinner was ready. Of course my mom decided to make asian food that night, so that definitely confirmed that I was asian. We went back down to the basement to watch the movie and make out some more. I think at one point we were even dry fucking each other, lol. Like, I don’t know why we had so much sexual tension in the beginning of our relationship, but I guess it was nice at the time. After the movie was over, I took you home, and then we talked on the phone until we both fell asleep.
I don’t know why I’m posting this, probably because I miss being with you. Don’t get me wrong, though, I still hate what you’ve become. I think the path you’re taking is the most irresponsible and selfish thing you could do. You smoke weed and cigarettes everyday, and you’ve done countless other drugs. You say that you don’t want to get married and have kids anymore? I don’t understand how that could have changed. You were so adamant about naming your kids Opal and Wahkeen. Even though I thought those names were silly, I still thought it was nice that you already had your future planned out ahead of you. Well now you’ve thrown that away for a life filled with moments of short-term happiness.
I miss you so much Daniele. Before I met you, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. But then I met you and everything changed. I found something that I wanted to live for. Because of that, I decided to not go to Florida. I was putting my life in your hands because I fell in love with you.
I know we had our differences, and because of that, I thought if I were to leave for Florida, I could regain the control I used to have over my life. Well I went to Florida and realized the hard way that I did not want have control over my own life. I thought about you every second of every day while I was there. I didn’t want control over my life anymore, I wanted you to still be there.
So I tried coming back to see if you still wanted to be with me. But that just made things worse, and now we’re not even talking anymore. I don’t know what to do anymore. You were my everything. I’ve tried moving on but I can’t. I’m still deeply in love with you, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I have no idea what to do with my life anymore. I can’t live here because I’m reminded everyday of the fact that you not only rejected me, but that you’re also “extremely happy” without me. I don’t want to live this life anymore. I’m done.
The sad thing is, though, if you were to call me and tell me that you finally want to be with me, I would say yes in a heartbeat.